I walk aimlessly towards the beach. For someone who has had as big of a misfortune as me, they would understand. No. Not misfortune, more like a hard life. It never seemed to end or slow down. I start to think that God is punishing me. But for what? The sand beneath my feet is scoldingly hot, the grains squish inbetween my toes. Focus. One thought at a time. With each step, a tear flows off my swollen cheek as the memories of my husband and I roll over my thoughts.
I step into the water. The coolness of it cools down my burning feet. The feeling was a calming sensation, however, my hatred still burned from within. My heart, engulfed in misery.
"Oh, God! Why have you done this to me?" "I know you love me, but do you really care?" "Why, God?" I sobbed, falling into the water on my knees. My hands sifted through the wet sand underneath the salty water. I grabbed a handfull and brought it to the surface. A precious sea shell appeared through the sand. Its shape, and colors were breath taking. It was like the shell my husband brought back when he went to Hawaii.
My husband just died of cancer. It was a long process for him, and extremely painful. He was suffering, and I couldn't do anything to save him. I watched him slowly die. The cancer basically sucked him dry of all life, and for that, and for many unanswered prayers, I was angry at God. I stood there, in my elegant, black dress. Crying. Pleading with God to give him back to me. I knew this wasn't going to happen. So, I turned towards the beach and started walking away. A thought came to me. I had no direction. I was lost...
"What am I suppost to do now, God?!" I yelled out to sea.
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